


The man who tried to fool the devil

by miraculousdottedcat



Category: Irish Mythology
Genre: I Don't Even Know, blame my teacher, my retelling of the jack-o-lantern legend, the legend of the jack-o-lantern
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 22:17:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16376006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miraculousdottedcat/pseuds/miraculousdottedcat
Summary: Now the smart thing for the devil to do in this situation would have been to completely ignore Jack’s request and take his soul anyway, so of course that’s not what he did.





	The man who tried to fool the devil

**Author's Note:**

> this is all my english teatchers fault

So there was this guy, Jack. He was a down right wreck let me tell you. All he ever did was drink and fight people. Okay, so this one night he drank a little bit more than he could handle, right.  
So the devil, yes the actual devil, came and was like “yo, I’m here for soul, dude”. But Jack didn’t really feel like dying that day I guess because he made up a plan. So he was like “would you please just let me have like one last drink, like please”. And then the devil was probably like “you do realise that alcohol is what’s got you here in the first place, right?”, “but sure dude, let’s get you another drink”. 

But see Jack didn’t really have any money. Probably because drinking and getting into bar fights all day doesn’t really pay that good. Anyway Jack told the devil he didn’t have any money and for some reason the devil’s reaction to this was not “tough luck, asshole”. Instead the devil transforms himself into a freakin coin so Jack can use him to buy a drink. (Wonder what currency the devil is.) 

But like I said, Jack has a plan. So what he did was, he put the coin-devil in his wallet. … That’s it. That’s the plan. He trapped the devil in his wallet. How does that even work tho. Like, the dude can turn himself into a random coin - he is literally the actual devil - but he can’t escape some dude’s wallet. Wack! 

Anyway… the devil was understandably pissed about being trapped in a wallet so he was like “let me the fuck out of here, jerk” and Jack was like “fine, I’ll let you out! … on one condition” and the devil was like “fine, a-hole, what’s the condition?”. So Jack told the devil that he would let him out of the wallet if the devil promised to let Jack keep his soul for one more year. Why he only gave himself one more year to live I do not know. Either way the devil said yes and the left immediately after being let out, ‘cause he’s a busy devil, man, he’s got stuff to do.

 

Now after that whole debacle you would think maybe Jack would try to get his life together but alas- no. He does not get his life together and instead continues to drink and fight people like usual. Because of course he does. But then when his year has passed - mostly in a blur because he spends all his time drinking and fighting people - the devil comes back and he’s like “times up, idiot” but Jack still does not want to die for some reason. 

So here’s what he does. He says to the devil “hey. dude. I understand you might be a little annoyed about what happened last time, but hear me out. Could you please climb into that tree over there and get me an apple”. Now the smart thing for the devil to do in this situation would have been to completely ignore Jack’s request and take his soul anyway, so of course that’s not what he did. Instead the devil goes “sure, I’ll climb that tree and get you an apple for no apparent reason” because the devil is apparently an idiot in this story. 

So the devil climbs the tree and while he is up in the tree Jack takes out his knife that he has for some reason. Maybe it was his grandfathers or something, I don’t know, It’s not important. What is important is that he takes the knife and carves a cross into the trunk of the tree. Then he’s like “ha! you are now trapped by these two lines, carved on top of each other” and the devil is like “rude!” and the tree is like “rude!”. Except trees can’t talk so it did not say that, it didn’t really say anything, it’s a tree.

So now the devil is once again trapped by some random dude named Jack and God is probably watching all this while laughing and eating popcorn. The devil however is not laughing because he is stuck in a tree and does not have any popcorn. Now Jack could have just left the devil in the tree for all of eternity or something but instead he says “I’ll let you down from the tree if you promise not to bother me anymore for the rest of my life”. Which is probably what he should have said last time, but whatever. The devil agrees but he is not happy about it. Jack is like “whatever, dude” and let’s him down from the tree.

 

Now as I may have mentioned before, Jack does not have a healthy lifestyle. And since he continuously refuses to get his life together it does not take long before he dies of alcohol poisoning. R.I.P. 

And this is where the story would have ended if Jack wasn’t such a massive jerk. You see after all this shit he’s pulled he’s obviously not let into heaven so he goes down to hell. The problem with that however is that he’s pissed of the devil so much that he’s not allowed in hell either. Imagine being so bad not even the devil himself will have you. That’s how bad Jack is. There’s a reason he doesn’t have any friends okay. 

Anyway, so he’s not allowed into heaven or hell so what’s a guy gonna do huh? Well what the devil does, is, he gives Jack a burning coal from the depths of hell because he is dramatic af. He then tells Jack to scram and go use his shiny, new piece of coal to light his way as he wanders the earth searching for a home. And that’s exactly what Jack does. He finds a turnip and carves a hole in it to use it as a lantern. He then wanders the earth, lighting his way with his turnip-lantern, looking for a place to call home. 

THE END!

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry


End file.
